Our First Home Exchange
“There are strangers sleeping in my bed.”
The thought wouldn’t leave. Did it make it better (or worse) that we were sleeping in theirs?
Last month, my family and I found ourselves in a new house belonging to a family that we didn’t really know in a place we’d never been before- with the knowledge that the family was experiencing the same thing in our house.
Our first home exchange had begun.
Why We Swapped Houses
Fresh off our trip to Italy last fall, I was feeling pretty good about how far my travel (and booking) skills had come. We’d just landed another trip for a small fraction of the ‘normal’ cost. And yet, a slow, unnerving feeling was creeping in.
While I had seemingly mastered the art of miles, hotel points, and AirBnB haggling, getting a $12,000 trip for $3000 still cost $3000.
With inflation rapidly eating away at our limited discretionary income, I had begun to realize that even with free tickets, we would need to either:
Travel Less OR
Travel Smarter
Before hanging up my neck pillow for good, I decided to take a stab at the latter.
Eureka!
Somewhere in my wanderings around the internet, I stumbled across a site called “Home Exchange”.
The idea is simple: You like to travel. Other people like to travel. Rather than you both blowing all your money on hotels and Airbnb’s, what if you just traded houses for awhile?
What if lodging could be $0… and travel could truly approach “free”?
Typical Trip Expense Breakdown
The Home Exchange platform would charge a small yearly fee to facilitate unlimited exchanges. They would offer peace of mind with a generous insurance policy and rating system. They’d provide a robust infrastructure for helping out with all manner of advanced exchanges like non-reciprocal, asymmetric, or non-overlapping stays, to name a few.
My Inner Debate
After a brief tour of the site, I waffled.
“You never know,” my inner optimist whispered, “this could be a game-changer”. The realist, however, wasn’t convinced: “Who would want to vacation to Minnesota anyways?” and“Think of the risks!”
In the end, it was free to make a home profile, so I did. I took half an hour, filled in our house’s specs and uploaded some basic photos.
Then, I forgot about it. Because again, who would want to stay in our little old house in “flyover” country?
As it turned out, lots of people.
Our First Bites
Within weeks, we were getting a slow trickle of proposed trips from a number of places, many of them coming from our “preferred destinations” we had specified in our profile. The first few invites were intriguing, but less-than-perfect fits. We simply responded with thanks for their interest and told them to keep us in mind for the future.
Then in January, a message arrived.
Suddenly, on the table was a two-week summer trip to a beautiful, family friendly house in the Pacific Northwest. The PNW was a region we’d wanted to explore for years. A quick dust-off of my Delta miles balance told me that if we wanted to, we could take a crack at this crazy experimental step in our quest towards truly free travel.
So we said, “yes to the address”. The countdown had begun for our first home exchange.
Preparing for our First Exchange
Our experienced exchange family graciously guided us through this strange new process. We went back-and-forth, finalizing dates via the app, had a short video chat to get to know their family a little bit, and then… (gulp) we booked our plane tickets. With the ‘leap of faith’ locked down, it was time to prepare our house.
Final Fix-ups (months out)
In the months leading up to the exchange, we finally finished the last 5% of our house fixups (let’s be real- without a home exchange would I ever have finished the basement trim? 🙃). We lined up my rock star sister-in-law for a last-minute clean after we would leave and we wrote up a quick guidebook to the house.
Deep Clean (weeks out)
In the final weeks leading up to the voyage, we came up with our plan for socking away our sensitive documents and items, we grabbed some spare sheets from Target, and we finally got around to the deep-cleaning we’d put off for far too-long.
And then, just like that, the day arrived. We woke up, switched our sheets, put our food in the basement fridge, and left for the airport.
How it Went
In short, it was amazing. We stayed in a stunning house in a small town minutes from the Puget Sound and 20m from downtown Seattle. We explored not just the city, but the western coastal islands along with Mount Rainier National Park. We even tacked a short trip to Portland on the end (that was less smooth, but that was no fault of Portland’s :)).
A brief glance at what a comparable stay would cost (2 weeks in that house in that location in peak season), I’d conservatively put our lodging savings in the $6000-8000 range (did I mention it was a nice house?).
More surprising than us having a great time was the fact that they loved our home too. While their modern mansion was worth multiple times what our house was worth, I was relieved that the Seattle family appreciated the old charm of our still-in-process 1920s craftsman.
Final Thoughts
For us, Home Exchange appears to be nothing short of an absolute game-changer. Its benefits extended beyond our initial hopes and dreams of a free trip.
In addition to a memorable and deeply affordable vacation, our house has never looked better - and our kids are now obsessed with fluffy cats (we volunteered to take care of their kitties during the swap).
The best takeaway by far, though, has to be this new, strange, yet mutually beneficial relationship with another family across the country.
As fun as it was to get a glimpse into their way of life, it was equally enjoyable to hear about the things that they loved about life in our little part of the world. While it still baffles me that someone would want to stay in our humble abode, we’re already discussing our next swap with our new Seattle “house-friends”.
My hope is that this initial exchange is just the beginning. Over the last few weeks, we’ve had proposals come in from some of our favorite spots on planet earth- Germany, Switzerland, and of course, our much-beloved France. Will our next big trip not be just an exchange, but rather a series of exchanges from the Pyrenees to the Alps?
Is Home Exchange for You?
Home Exchange isn’t for everyone. If you’ve got a $10M house filled with fragile art, an anxious demeanor, and/or so much money that you don’t need to save on travel, Home Exchange might not be for you.
But for those adventurous souls looking to see the world on a budget, for those open to new locations - and maybe even new friendships- Home Exchange might just be your big next step in seeing the world.
Here is my sign-up link for HomeExchange. It’s free to create a profile (just to see, right? 🤠). This link will also give us both some “Guest Points” which can come in handy for those more advanced exchanges I mentioned.
Bon Voyage!
Favorite Things: 2023
Well I missed “Auld Lang Syne”.
Writing time has been sparse, but here were my favorites from last year. Skip to what you want.
Hip ‘hoods | One more book | Maple Music | Youtube Faves | Fixin’ My Food | DIY Bubbles | Podcast Notes | Points->Memories
Neighborhoods Discovered
My passport got lit up last year (I wasn’t complaining). If you’re looking for an inspiring spot to hang out, you could do worse than these spots I stumbled on in ‘23.
Plaza de España, Seville (Spain)
Nakameguro, Tokyo (Japan)
Mile End, Montreal (Canada)
Top of the Hill, Cortona (Italy)
Books
Hopefully you caught my takes on Die with Zero and The End of The World.
Here’s one last book from the ‘23.
Sixty-Million Frenchmen Can’t Be Wrong
Life update: I’ve contracted a severe case of Francophilia.
As I write this section from France, it hasn’t been enough to eat the baguette or drink the Bordeaux. I need to understand the Frenchman. What is this western worldview that seems so familiar… and yet perplexing?
As North Americans armed with fluent French, Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoit Nadeau are the perfect Quebecoise insiders to sneak us into the inner workings of our favorite frenemies across the sea.
Hilarious first-hand stories from years in France reveal strange tips of the cultural iceberg while a deeper look into French history takes us below the surface. It is the unfolding story of France that illuminates the peccadillos of the French that the rest of the world find so vexing.
Whether it’s the spilt blood of the French revolution, the trauma of German invasion, or just the fact that the French are “aborogines” (which really means “original people” not “primitive” as we often use it), it is the unique French past that explains everything from the “rude” waiter to the high taxes.
Here's the opening passage that gives you a sense for just how deep the “French paradox” runs:
Imagine a country where people work 35-hour weeks, take seven weeks of paid holidays per year, take an hour and a half for lunch, have the longest life expectancy in the world, and eat the richest food on the planet. A people who keep alive their local shopkeepers, who love nothing better than going to the public market on Sundays, and who finance the best health-care system in the world. A people whose companies are some of the most productive among modern countries, and whose post-industrial consumer society ranks among the most prosperous in the world.
You are now in France.
Now imagine a country whose citizens have so little civic sense that it never crosses their minds to pick up after their dogs or give to charity. Where people expect the State to do everything because they pay so much in taxes. Where service is rude. Where the State is among the most centralized and pervasive in the world, and where the civil-servant class amounts to no less than a quarter of the working population. Where citizens tolerate no form of initiative or self-rule, where unions are so pervasive that they virtually dictate the course of government and even run French ministries.
You are still in France.
Love or hate the French, by the end you’ll wish that every culture had such a convivial guidebook.
And on a more sobering book note…
Minor Prophets of the Bible
As individuals, we all must decide what we do with God. And yet, what happens when a whole nation turns away from him? What is the slow end of a culture where everyone simply “does what’s right in his own eyes?”
The minor prophets give us the unpleasant yet well-trodden map of cultural decline.
These books felt eerily prescient as I found myself wishing these old books were as irrelevant as the skeptics say.
Maple Music
All my current favorite bands are Canadian. Here are the maple syrup-loving artists that captured my ear last year. And here’s a Spotify playlist for sampling.
Saratoga
Beautiful. Calm. Folk. French.
Starter Songs: Saratoga, Fleur.
Bahamas
Often moody. Sometimes fun. Always catchy.
Starter songs: Lost in the Light, Trick to Happy, Half Your Love
and saving the best for last…
Jill Barber
Husky-voiced artist whose evolution spans “jazz lounge ballads” to wrestling with midlife identity. English and French.
Start anywhere, but maybe: Chances, Petite Fleur, Woman of my Own Dreams
Honorable Maple Leaf Mention: Great Lake Swimmers, Old Man Luedecke, La Chapelle Musique
Youtube Roll
Three years ago, I started to “Youtube”. In other words, I graduated from the occasional DIY/cat video to actually subscribing to people’s channels, and intentionally utilizing the site for regular learning and entertainment.
It can be a time-waster… but it’s also the most engaging and efficient educational content in human history. Here’s some faves of the mostly “fun and light” variety.
2023 Faves:
Old Man and the Three: JJ Redick the Podcaster > JJ Redick the 3-point shooter. Fave Interview: Coach K
Dorktown - Minnesota Vikings: The tragic story- told, quantified, …validated in mini-series form. Fave Episode: 90’s. Fave Poetic Moment: Miracle
Peter Santanello: Getting you inside the diverse ways of life in the USA. Whether it’s south LA, Hassidic Brooklyn, Amish country, or Inuit reservation, you will come away loving this unique place we call America.
Spirited Man: Genius artistry, celebrating the life of the craftsman.
The return of “Drisky Business”: Mark Driscoll’s political commentary is ignorable, but his bible teaching has an edge that might just be necessary.
Prof G Show: Smart American Gen-X professor (Scott Galloway) chops it up with bright British 20-something (Ed). The result is one man’s irreverent, entertaining, and educational take on investing and life.
Woodness Goodness: Fun-loving twenty-something N00b made a cabin in his backyard. Now building one in the mountains.
Nutrition Made Simple: Cuts through the clutter of nutrition science.
French Vibes: Visit my favorite corner of planet earth, if only for a few minutes.
Fixin' my Food
Let me distill countless hours of nutrition research I did last year.
If you are eating a standard American diet, make two changes:
1/10 your processed foods
10x your plants
We all know it, but nobody does it. To begin, I’ve found that you can’t aim for perfection. Rather, 80/20 it by mastering the “boring meals”.
In other words, don’t worry about the ice cream cake at the birthday party, but instead engineer the mindless, everyday breakfast and lunch to perfection.
The most efficient strategy to replacing garbage with veggie gold: Daily, epic green smoothies.
DIY Bubbles on Tap
Here’s how I did it.
Podcast Notes
If you want the cutting edge of the current scientific revolution, it’s not in full length books (way too slow). Instead, it’s top researchers synthesizing new insights via long-form podcasts.
But what if you don’t have two hours for a “Huberman”? Or what if you just want to get the content into your second brain instantly? Welcome to the time-saving power of Podcast Notes.
Points -> Memories
Lastly, in the tail-end of 2023, I stumbled on an all-time points deal.
So we kicked off 2024 back in our happy place. Hope it’s sunny where you are :)
Die With Zero
A Review
“Most of us go through life as if we had all the time in the world. It makes sense to delay gratification to some extent, because that pays off in the long run. But the sad truth is that too many people delay gratification for too long, or indefinitely. They put off what they want to do until it’s too late, saving money for experiences they will never enjoy.” - Bill Perkins, Die with Zero
When I was 23, Dave Ramsey’s “Ben and Arthur” chart changed my life.
The chart tells the story of two fictional investors, Ben and Arthur. Ben invests young, Arthur invests later, Ben’s investments crush Arthur’s.
Ramsey’s point: Deferring is the key to a rich life.
Dave isn’t wrong. If historic returns hold, every $1 you invest at age 20, will be worth $88 at age 65.
Ramsey and the whole personal finance industry continually push us to defer.
And yet, reminds Bill Perkins, Ben forgot one hard reality as he deferred away his young, healthy years.
Your life (and health) here on earth is finite, and running down by the day.
The ramifications are many.
Here are four concepts I took away from this much-needed “anti-personal-finance” book:
Memory Dividends
This hike was tough at age 36!
Question: What’s the difference between going to Italy when you’re 20 vs. going to Italy when you’re 70 (besides the arthritic knee that keeps you from climbing the Spanish steps)?
Answer: A lifetime of recalling the memories.
My travel memories, for instance, haven’t just warmed me on cold winter days, they’ve broadened my perspective on almost everything. My time outside the US has given me a lens that I use everyday to evaluate what my life is- and can be.
“Unlike material possessions, which seem exciting at the beginning but then often depreciate quickly, experiences actually gain in value over time.” -p.13
Many Experiences Can't Be Deferred
The Ben and Arthur chart implicitly assumes that a dollar spent when you’re 65 is the same as a dollar spent when you’re 20. Perkins reminds us that this couldn’t be further from the truth.
While it may feel like we have forever to defer the things we aim for in life, the reality is that our windows of opportunity are often tragically small. Perkins illustrates this point with stories from his own life that remind us that many opportunities come but once.
Bill Story #1: The Reckless (but Rational) Roommate
Out of college, Bill’s roommate quit his job and then borrowed money from a real-life New York City loan-shark for a trip to Europe.
"I said to Jason, “Are you crazy? Borrowing money from a loan shark? You’ll get your legs broken!”
When he came back a few months later, though, there was no discernible difference between his income and mine - but the pictures and stories of his experiences showed that he was infinitely richer for having gone. I felt pretty envious- and regretful that I hadn’t gone.
When I finally went to Europe, at age 30, it was too late: I was already a tad too old and too bougie to stay in youth hostels and hang out with a bunch of 24-year-olds. Plus, by the time I was 30, I had many more responsibilities than I’d had in my early twenties, which made it that much harder to take months off for travel.
Like me, Jason knows he timed that European trip exactly right. “I wouldn’t enjoy sleeping in a youth hostel with 20 guys on a shitty bunk bed now.” Despite the high-interest loan, he has the opposite of regret about the expense. “Whatever I paid was a bargain because of the life experience I gained,”
What he gained from that trip, in other words, is priceless. - p.21 [abridged for length]
Bill Story #2: The 45th Birthday
For his 45th birthday, Bill spent a painful amount of money flying his friends, family, and favorite musician to an all-out “all-the-people-I-love” bash in the Caribbean. Why did he do it? Or why didn’t he at least defer until the bigger milestone of age 50 after his investments accumulated for five more years?
He writes:
By the time my 50th rolled around, my dad had died, mom’s health had, unfortunately, declined substantially. My brother and two sisters were there, but some of my friends couldn’t make it this time. From my perspective, it had been a very good decision to splurge on that extraordinary gathering five years earlier.
Or… I could have not splurged on that lavish party when I was 45. Instead I could have celebrated my birthday by just looking at my monthly investment savings and IRA statements. But what kind of memory would that be? - p.153 [abridged]
Could you and I wail til we’re 65 to go take your dream trip? Absolutely. But make no mistake- you are paying for a very different trip than that of Bill’s roommate.
When we went to Provence two years ago, we did it with our young family. We did it with our vibrant, healthy moms. I hope we have our whole lives to travel, but for that trip, 2022 may have been the only opportunity we get.
A Generous Life
How old are most people when they receive their inheritance? 30? 40? Nope.
The median age for Americans who receive an inheritance is 60 years old. (You know, right around the time you don’t actually need it.)
For many years after her divorce, Virginia Colin struggled financially. Receiving almost no child support from her ex, she raised her four children on her own, "mostly at the edge of poverty," as she puts it. She eventually remarried, was able to hold down a decent part-time job, and attained financial stability. Then, when she was 49, her mother died, at age 76, leaving Virginia with a large inheritance.
The $130,000 windfall was definitely welcome-no question about that. "But it just would have been a lot more valuable a lot earlier," says Virginia, who is now 68. - p.82
In other words, what would it look like to give a smaller inheritance earlier?
Furthermore, Perkins asks: who is the generous person? The person six feet under whose former possessions are distributed by lawyers? Isn’t the generous person the one who is living? Doesn’t generosity require being around to actually give?
Whether its inheritance or giving to charity, Perkins challenges what is possible and what is best in light of the “peak utility of money” for both the giver and the receiver.
Time Buckets Over Bucket Lists
What are the things you hope to do during your brief existence here on Earth? Here are a few things I would love to do:
Buy or build a cabin in the woods near Lake Superior’s north shore
Mentor young men in my neighborhood
Live in Europe
Pour everything I have into loving and discipling my kids.
The bucket list would have me lazily set these out with no timeline - as if I could pick and choose as I saw fit. Time buckets on the other hand dispel the illusion of infinite time and flexibility.
These buckets resolve the donkey problem and more importantly make it clear that many of your goals can only be achieved within a small window of your life.
Here’s those same goals, in decade bucket format:
My 30s: Pouring everything I’ve got into my kids
In thirteen years, all my kids will have left. Heck, in five years, they’ll be too cool to hang out and listen to me. The harsh reality: I’ve got a few short years to make the big memories and to put everything I’ve got into these little hatchlings- who are quietly but quickly growing wings.
My 40s: Mentoring younger men
Having left diapers behind and entered the teenage-parenting years, this may be the best time to coach sports or invest heavily into a youth group.
My 50s and beyond:
Living in Europe
A move that is super difficult right now, would likely be much easier when we no longer have to fork over $40,000/yr for international school, can be flexible visa-wise, and when all that’s needed to live is a little 1-BR overlooking the Mediterranean.
North shore cabin
In my 50s and 60s, I might actually be able to sneak away to build it without my wife dying of exhaustion (and me missing the critical kid years- see “30s” above).
Conclusion
I don’t have time to share all that I took away from this book, much less impress upon you the importance of managing not just your money but your (and your loved ones’) finite health and time.
To be clear, this is not a book advocating for financial stupidity. Bill Perkins actually comes from the finance world. He’s simply reminding us that while mindlessly spending money is harmful, mindlessly saving money can be even worse.
While some of you reading this should be more frugal and save more for retirement, some of you financially responsible, ever-deferring Americans need to wake up from autopilot.
This is your life.
Your energy, your health, your time - these are the limited resources you need to be managing - not your Vanguard accounts.
Beyond these four concepts, Bill addresses everything from fear over end-of-life costs, peak utility of money (at what age does a dollar matter most?) to how he plans on actually “dying with zero”.
For now, maybe it’s enough to pause and ask yourself:
What’s the biggest opportunity in your life right now -
that may not be there in ten years?
We don’t know how long God will give us on this side of eternity. While I certainly disagree with some of the selfish, “YOLO" vibes that can come through Perkins’ writing at times, there is a wisdom in this book that we would be wise to heed as we strive to manage our finite time on this planet. And that’s why I heartily recommend a discerning read of “Die with Zero”.
“Teach me to number my days, that I might gain a heart of wisdom.”
- Ps 90:12