7 Months Abroad: The Hard
There’s a thousand resources out there for the practical aspects of travel (points, booking, frugality, etc.). And for the good parts of travel, we all know there’s no shortage of Instagrammers showing off the best angles of their life-on-the-go. But it ain’t all croissants and rainbows. Seven months on the move with a family is no joke. So let’s get real. What were the hard parts?
These first two we expected. The second two blindsided us.
Expected
Occasional Loneliness
Being gone for seven months, we felt lonely at times. Surprisingly, I was the family member that felt it the most! Before that scares you away, here’s just a couple thoughts on temporary, planned loneliness:
Baseline loneliness: Aren’t we all a little lonely in 2026 anyway? Yes, we “Bowl Alone” these days, but even without the modern challenges, middle age is the bottom of the bottom of the U-curve for friendships anyways. Even if my friends didn’t live in far-flung suburbs, how much time would we really have for hanging out between work, childrearing, homeownership, church and all the rest? In my twenties stepping away from my rich social network would have required massive sacrifice. The calculus as I near 40 (and with my kids still in the single digits) is just different.
Small pains, big gains: We’ll be the first to tell you that long-term, “nuclear-family-only” is not a healthy setup. We’re made for community. However, temporary solo family-ing was something we were willing to embrace. Why?
In reality, temporary loneliness is the simple cost for any kind of change or adventure. Anyone who’s taken a new job, gone somewhere else to college, or moved to a new city knows: there are times where the discomfort of temporary loneliness is worth it for outsized long-term benefits.
Driving Each Other Crazy
Despite having a pretty high tolerance for mass amounts of time together (lots of practice as a remote worker during a global pandemic), we drove each other crazy at times, especially at the end as time together and work intensity piled up.
We expected this and it didn’t dissuade us. Why? Relationships need good times to be sure. But what gives relationships their depth is going through hard times- and making it out the other side. It’s the good and hard together that we figured would bring us closer- and I think it did.
Disclaimer: If your family and marriage were a bridge, the ‘weight’ on the middle of that bridge increases the longer the trip goes. Be honest with the state of your family before booking any trip!
Unexpected
Family Will Fill the Container
I expected (and salivated over) many of my responsibilities going away in Europe. What I didn’t anticipate was that family responsibilities on a trip like this would fill most of the space that was created.
It quickly became apparent that I wasn’t just playing after dinner and doing bedtimes. Now, I was the travel guide. The scout. The best friend. The gym teacher. The person to check in with throughout the day.
I was hoping to write while on the trip. Well here I write- after the trip back in beautiful Minnesota :)
Purpleness
Live somewhere long enough and you get a second set of eyes. Not just for the new place — but for the old one too. You come home and your own country reads differently than it does for everyone standing next to you. You can't unsee it. “Third culture kids” call this being "purple". You're not red anymore (original culture) and you're not blue (new culture). You're something different. You’re purple.
What we're feeling is a drop in the bucket compared to true third-culture kids who swap cultures for years at a time. And honestly, we like to be able to see our first culture “water that we swim in” from outside the fishbowl. But there are some real differences across the pond.
Pace of life. Car culture. Stuff-ism. Convenient and cheap vs. lasting and beautiful. Food chemicals. Political craziness. Stress levels.
We feel the huge advantages of the US just as starkly (higher paychecks, more options, Mexican food and all the rest). But we do feel these difference in a way we didn’t before. We’re purple, and while it's good- it is also hard.
“Wow, ok,” you might say. “Thanks for being honest… but with the cost and challenges, now I’m wondering: why would anyone would go on a big long trip like that?”
I’m glad you asked.